Santa: Hello, boys and girls! Today we’re going to learn English with Santa Claus!
Kid1: Hello, Santa! And where are your friends?
Santa: Which ones? the reindeers and the elves?
Kid1: No, the main clause and the subordinate clause.
(Laughs)
Santa: Now, kids, can you tell me how you celebrated last Christmas?
Kid2: Like in a dream.
Santa: Wow! I am intrigued! What exactly did you do?
Kid2: Slept.
(Laughs)
Santa: OK, let’s sing a song. It goes like this, ‘One, two three, Christmas tree. One, two three, Christmas tree.’ Come on. One, two three…
Class: Christmas tree…
Santa: Good job!
Class: One, two, tree, Christmas three. One, two, tree, Christmas three.
Santa: No, no, no! The other way round!
Class: Tree, two, one. Christmas one. Tree, two, one. Christmas one.
Santa: No, no, no! Count in the opposite direction!
Class: Christmas three, Christmas two, Christmas one. Tree, two, one.
Santa: OK, nevermind. Let’s move on. Now, let’s write a letter to Santa Claus!
Kid3: But, Santa, why do we have to write a letter to you if you are already here?
(Laughs)
Santa: Well, that makes sense. Then let’s do it without writing.
Kid4: I wonder how we can possibly write a letter without writing?
(Laughs)
Santa: I mean let’s express our wishes in words. Now, kids, which present would you like to have for Christmas?
Kid1: Simple!
Kid2: Perfect!
Kid3: Continuous!
(Laughs)
Santa: And you, Vera?
Vera: I don’t like presents?
Santa: Why?
Vera: Because I like futures.
(Laughs)
Santa: Well, in this case, an English grammar book would be the ideal present for you all, huh?
Kid1: But, Santa, if it’s a present why should we book it?
Kid2: Because it’s a tour.
Kid3: Tour? Where to?
Kid4: To Grammarland.
Kid3: Grammarland? I thought Santa was from Laptopland.
Kid4: It used to be, but then grammar took over and now rules the land.
(Laughs)
Kid1: Oh, dear!
Kid2: Oh, reindeer!
(Laughs)
Santa: No worries! Everything is fine in Lapland. Grammar does rule there, but it’s its policies are flexible.
Kid4: Sweet! Let’s hold a referendum on flexible English grammar in class then, shall we?
Class: Yeah!
Santa: That’s a nice idea indeed. But let’s leave politics for a weekday. Because it’s a holiday now. Alright, let’s move on to origami.
Kid1: Origrammar?? I haven’t even completely grasped the ordinary grammar yet…
Santa: Origami. not ‘origrammar’. ‘Origami’ means things made out of paper. As they say, the best gift is the one which you make with your hands.
Kid2: But what if I am a cat?
(Laughs)
Santa: If you are a cat, then you are already a gift.
Kid3: Hey! Why not a human is already a gift? Since when do cats have special rights? That’s inequality. Let’s protest!
Class: Yeah! That’s not fair! Equality for every living creature on Earth!
Santa: Come down, class. I was just joking. Alright, who wants to recite a poem?
Kid1: Me, please!
Santa: Go ahead!
Kid1: Santa Claus is like Dedushka Moroz!
(Laughs)
Santa: What is ‘Dedushka’?
Kid2: It’s the opposite of babushka.
(Laughs)
Santa: OK, and what is ‘Moroz’?
Kid1: ‘Moroz’ means ‘frozen’.
Santa: Why is he frozen?
Kid3: Because he fell asleep in a fridge.
(Laughs)
Kid2: ‘Moroz’ is ‘frost’, not ‘frozen’.
Santa: Ah. Now it makes sense. ‘Dedushka Frost’ does sound nice.