Teacher: So, let’s begin our English language course.
Student1: I’m sure it will come in handy in Antarctica.
Teacher: Why in Antarctica?
Student1: I thought it was, ‘Penguish language course.’
(Laughs)
Teacher: Now, have you done your homework?
Student1: Yes, I have washed the dishes.
Student2: And I have tidied my room
Student3: And I have cleaned the floor.
(Laughs)
Teacher: Sweet! Now, then let’s take a mop, a bucket with water and a rag.
Class: What for?
Teacher: Because now we’re going to do some classwork!
(Laughs)
Class: No! Let’s do some English instead.
(Laughs)
Student1: Never have I felt so motivated to learn English!
(Laughs)
-Alright, let’s start with a warm-up.
Student2: And finish with a warm-down.
(Laughs)
Student3: A worm? Where? On the floor?
Student4: In an English class? I wonder why worms would need English?
Student1: It’s more likely to be a spider then.
Student4: Why?
Student1: Because in order to spy they need perfect English.
(Laughs)
Teacher: It seems like you all have already warmed up. Let’s move on then. Gena, what is Past Simple?
Gena: Have no idea. But I can say what a difficult past is.
(Laughs)
Teacher: Vera, what is Present Perfect.
Vera: A perfect present is the one that is given in the right place at the right time.
(Laughs)
Teacher: Lilia, what is Future Perfect?
Lilia: A perfect future is the one in which everyone lives in harmony with themselves and the world.
(Laughs)
Teacher: You actually start making me feel tense.
Student1: Which tense?
Student2: Present imperfect.
(Laughs)
Teacher: If some of you behave too naughtily, you will be sat with a person you are not attracted to.
Student3: Can I sit in the corner, please? I’m not attracted to it.
(Laughs)
Student4: No, please.
Student3: Why not?
Student4: Because he is my boyfriend.
(Laughs)
Student3: Don’t be so jealous. There are so many corners in this building. And they are all the same.
Student4: No, this one is the only one that drives me crazy.
(Laughs)
Student3: Oh, come on. This corner is nothing special, are you, corner?
Student5: No, I am a special corner.
(Laughs)
Student3: What?? Who said that?
Student5: Me. I’m the Corner. It’s my surname.
(Laughs)
Student3: Er… Pardon…
Student1: What a twist.
(Laughs)
Student1: The corner seems to have come into being. How weird is that!
(Laughs)
Teacher: It’s nice to have a break with a fun conversation, but let’s get back to work. Since you feel like talking, let’s do some speaking activity. And here’s one. First, I’ll demonstrate it and then you’ll pair up and repeat it. OK, let’s get started. Leo, what are your parents’ names?
Leo: Lucy and Guus.
Student1: Now I know why you are so loosey-goosey.
(Laughs)
On second thoughts, let’s discuss some topic in English. Any ideas?
Student2: Girls!
(Laughs)
Student3: No! Let’s talk about boys!
(Laughs)
Boys: Girls!
Girls: No, boys!
Student1: Oh, come on guys. Let’s come to an agreement. Let’s talk about the opposite sex.
Class: Right!
Student2: Why opposite sex? Why not behind sex?
(Laughs)
Teacher: Sorry, but sex is not included in the list of topics for class discussions.
Student3: Why?
Student4: Because sex doesn’t exist.
(Laughs)
Student1: Yeah, it’s a new conspiracy theory.
(Laughs)
Student2: Wait. If sex doesn’t exist, then how did we come into being?
Student3: It’s simple. Our parents googled and downloaded us.
(Laughs)
Teacher: You are extremely noisy. That was a good one, though. Wait. If you’re so into stand-up comedy, then how about watching a stand-up gig and then discuss it, role-play it and then creating and performing your own one?
Class: Wow! It does sound brilliant!
Teacher: Alright, I’ll go and get a laptop.
(leaving the classroom)
Principal: So, how are you feeling?
Teacher: The present is perfect.