It’s almost the end of January. So it’s high time I wrote a letter to Santa Claus.
Alright, got a piece of paper, got a pen. Here we go,
‘Dear, Santa…’ Hmm, should I put a smiley or not? I’d better put it because otherwise, the letter might seem icy. He might think that I’m not very pleased to write to him. On second thoughts, just one smiley is somewhat disrespectful. I will put three of them… No five… No seven, yes, seven… Hey, hold on! There are too many smileys here! There will hardly be any room for all the presents to write down. No, I think I’ll take a new piece of paper and put only one exclamation mark as close to the last letter as possible so there will be enough room for all the presents.
Alright, let’s move on.
‘Dear, Santa Claus, I would like a simple present and I would also like a perfect present.’ No, that isn’t really a good wish. He might send me an English grammar book in response.
Wait! If I became friends with Santa, then not only could I receive presents for Christmas, but also for any other holiday!
‘Dear, Santa, I would like to become your friend.’ No, he’ll say,
‘Add me on Facebook.’ Then I’ll write,
‘Dear Santa, I would like to become your close friend.’ No, he’ll answer,
‘Like my photos.’ Oh, I’ll write,
‘Dear, Santa, I would like to become your real friend.’ No, he’ll respond,
‘Share my posts.’
Wait! Why ordinary gifts? Let’s actually ask Santa for something extraordinary.
‘Dear, Santa, I would like to have a trip to Mars.’ No, he’ll respond,
‘Sorry, I don’t send psychedelics.’
Oh, another good wish!
‘Dear, Santa, I want to know the answers to all my questions.’ No, he’ll reply,
‘Google.’
Why do I always want to take something from Santa? Why not offer him something?
‘Dear, Santa Claus, I hope this offer of mine will be of great interest to you…’ No, he might mark my letter as spam.
Why am I always asking something for myself? I will ask something for other people!
‘Dear, Santa, I want my grandchildren to have a rich grandfather.’ No, it won’t work. Oh, I know,
‘Dear, Santa, I want our national football team to win the next world cup.’ No, he’ll answer,
‘Either do I.’
‘Dear, Santa Claus, I want the world to be a better place.’ No, he’ll respond
‘Start with yourself.’
Indeed! Let’s start with ourselves.
‘Dear, Santa Claus, I would like my life to be a lot of fun.’ No, he’ll say,
‘Go to kindergarten.’
‘Dear, Santa, I would like to be flexible in any situation.’ No, he’ll write
‘Do yoga.’
Wait! Those are all materialistic wishes. Why not ask Santa for something spiritual? Oh, got a marvelous idea!
‘Dear, Santa, I want to become spiritually awakened.’ Completed!
(After sending the letter)
On second thoughts, he’ll say,
‘Sorry, I don’t send psychedelics.’