Why Boredom is the Key to Happiness

Has it ever happened to you that you didn’t like something in the past (for example a genre of music, some author, type of activity, a person, etc.) but with time gradually (or maybe suddenly) realised that really liked it even though you just might have loathed it? You grew to like it. And even might have wondered why you hadn’t liked it before. And to the contrary, you happened to lose all interest in the things which really loved or enjoyed doing in the past.

But why does that happen? Obviously, it’s because we get mature and mellower and as a result, our taste improves either. Our taste bar lifts up. And I mean the situations in which you move on to better quality things. Like, you used to listen to very simple and fluffy music and now you’re listening to more complicated and profound compositions. (Sometimes it might be the other way round though, so let’s make sure it isn’t). And right now we might be experiencing something similar. We’re occupied with some things and activities while realising that there are some other things which we could and should be doing now instead. Yet, for some reason, we continue being absorbed in the stuff which actually needs to be limited or even quit. But the fact that we are so immature and addicted to those current petty pleasures might not make us even consider that there’s something much better to pursue, that there is a much bigger price to be aiming for.

Just remember the time when you were playing with Lego bricks (or something suchlike). You were completely absorbed in this activity, you were so lost in it that oftentimes even forgot about meals and nothing seemed to distract you from enjoying this toy. But do you play in “Lego” now? Most likely not because there are much more fascinating things for you to do which you might have been bored with, but you have grown to like them with time.

The most shining examples in my life are yoga and meditation. It used to be extremely boring to do these activities, especially yoga. I just couldn’t bear it more than half an hour, I was constantly tracking the time in the hope that it’s nearly the end of the class. An hour of yoga felt like ages for me, but the reason I carried on was that I saw the potential of it, I realised that it was really healthy and helpful, I saw the positive effect as a result of participating in those activities. What’s interesting, now when I’m doing yoga or meditation it feels rather enjoying than boring. I’m still bored with yoga a little bit, but not nearly as much as I used to. It feels like as time goes by I enjoy doing them increasingly more. But at the same time, I’m aware that neither yoga, nor meditation will ever become as exciting as reading a fascinating book or watching a stand-up comedy, or whatever. It’s sort of silly. I don’t have expectations of that kind. But it’s a different level of joy. Different things have a different level of pleasure. It’s something which we have to come to realise.

And it was the case for learning English either, by the way. When I first got acquainted with the English language as a 5-year-old I wasn’t particularly passionate about it. Nor was I as a teenager. But it seemed interesting. I enjoyed it a little bit. Yet, it wasn’t as exciting as playing football or drawing, so I wasn’t absorbed in it at that time. However, it felt like there was something in it. Although just a glimpse, it was sort of magnetic. And now I realise that as time passed and as I grew up this glimpse were getting gradually bigger and bigger. But it wasn’t happening by itself, it was only happening when I gave my attention to it, when I try to grow myself, I’ve kind of gradually built up this passion for the English language.

Interestingly, I’ve noticed that it works like a snowball effect – the more you persevere and have some even just small, just wee accomplishments here and there the more passionate you get about your hobby. Normally we tend to be dismissive of our small improvements. But the thing is that a big thing can only happen as result of getting into place small things. To be honest, as a student I quit learning English a few times in the past. But when I managed to greatly improve my self-discipline nothing could come between me and English. So, I reckon self-discipline is the most powerful tool you can ever have.

And it was also the case for teaching English. I’ve sort of built up my passion for it over time. At first, I didn’t see it something which I was planning to do as my main job, but I enjoyed it to an extent. At times there were some uncertainties, I experienced some difficulties to the point where I thought maybe I should quit participating in that. But, again, I felt like there was something in it, the same glimpse of magnetism which has grown immensely as I’ve carried on trying to connect the dots by doing some research, testing different approaches, experimenting, trying to figure out my style and basically trying to get everything into some sort of alignment. And again, now it feels like I’ve gradually built my passion for it. And this is when the snowball effect comes in again. As I continue participating and improving in that I feel like I enjoy it increasingly more.

Another shining example from my life is sweet food. I was really addicted to unhealthy snacks and things like that. But as I was cleaning up my diet, my taste was gradually changing. And today rarely do I eat something unhealthy. There’s still some room for improvement in terms of healthy nutrition, though, but now I don’t even consider eating most of the junk food I used to eat in the past. Sometimes I’m even surprised how some people I know dare to eat such things. Those snacks with chemicals and E-numbers taste really bad for me now, which I didn’t notice in the past since I had a very low taste bar in food.

When it comes to music I think almost everyone has ever experienced taste changes. For me, loads of mp3s of music which I used to really be fond of seems like more of a junk thing now.

This can also apply to relationships. Do you choose stimulating friends – funny, extroverted ones over “boring” – critical, introverted, calm, mellow, analytical type of person or whatever? And I don’t mean that extraversion or funniness is a bad trait and you shouldn’t be friends with this kind of people. No, I’m not saying that. What I mean is that if for you relationships are just all about fun then it can backfire on you someday. If you’re a man do you choose a good appearance over any other qualities in a girl? And if you’re a girl do you choose abrasiveness and coolness in a guy over any other qualities? That can backfire on you. And only when coming up to 30s do you realise (hopefully) that there are actually much more valuable character traits you should really appreciate in others. And even if we do think and say that we realise that, in real life, it might not be the case. So, sometimes we also need to ensure that we’re not kidding ourselves.

This can also apply for a life purpose. If you have a notion that a career should be all about fun, that it shouldn’t be boring, there shouldn’t be any routine in it or something, then hardly will you ever find your dream job. And I believe there’s no such thing as a “dream job”, really, because we don’t live in our dreams, obviously. Any job has its downsides which we also should take into consideration and face, and embrace, and try to deal with.

But how do we lift up our taste bar? Well, the first step is when you realise that there is a bar which is higher, that is, better for you. And even if you do realise that it’s better for you, you’d prefer to stay on the same bar, because, what’s interesting about these bars is that the higher a bar the more boring it is, but the joy is more sustainable, whereas the lower a bar the more fun it is, but the joy is more fleeting. Who would dare to say that doing meditation or yoga, or listening to classical music, reading classical literature book, going to the gym, learning a language or whatever is fun? Clearly, most of the time it’s not fun whatsoever. But why do people participate in it? Because the happiness they feel as a result of long and regular practice is more sustainable. It’s the cost they are willing to pay to be sustainably happy.

So you can’t escape discomfort and boredom and all the effort and will required to move on to the next level. And, sure enough, your laziness, unwillingness, addictiveness and withdrawal symptoms will try to come in the way. But if you just persevere despite all the obstacles, then you will gradually make it. So you have to face the boredom. It’s the cost you have to pay. The good news is that you will gradually reconcile yourself with it and you’ll realise that it’s actually not that freaking out to be bored, you’ll get accustomed to it.

Yet, I’m not saying that I never feel agitated by boredom and that I completely quit easy pleasures. No. There’s still some room for growth. Nor am saying that easy pleasures are totally evil and you should avoid them like the plague. No, that’s not what I’m saying here. On their own, they are neither good nor bad, they are rather neutral. Some of the pleasures are better to be quit, whereas some of them are good in moderation, but if there isn’t a balance then it’s very easy to turn something good into evil