(At a cafe)
Waitress: This is the menu.
Gena: Yes, I am a man. And you are a woman.
Lyonya: No, she says ‘menu’. A list of foods and drinks.
Gena: Ah. OK.
Waitress: What would you like to have?
Gena: I would like to have some waiter, please.
Waitress: Pardon?
Lyonya: Water! Not waiter!
Gena: Oh, yes. Water.
Lyonya: And a mug of coffee for me, please.
Waitress: Alright. A couple of minutes.
Gena: What? A couple? We are not a couple. Just friends.
Lyonya: No, she means she will come back in a few minutes.
Gena: Ah. Alright.
(3 minutes later)
Waitress: A glass of water for you. There you go.
Gena: Go? Where? I have only come.
Waitress: And a mug of coffee for you. Here you are.
Gena: Yes, he is here. And you are here. And I am here. We have so much in common, huh?
Lyonya: No, she means ‘Look! I’m giving it to you.’
Gena: Ah. Got it… Can I also have a chicken sandwich, please?
Waitress: Yes, sure. 3 minutes… Sorry, but we have run out of chicken…
Gena: What? The chicken has run out of your kitchen? Let’s go catch it then!
Lyonya: No! She means ‘chicken is off’?
Gena: OK. But if the chicken is off, why don’t they turn it on?
Lyonya: No, no, no. She means ‘There isn’t any chicken left in the cafe.’
Gena: Ah. OK. Now I understand. Then can I have a bowl of salad, please?
Waitress: Yes, certainly. A few minutes… There you are.
Gena: Thank you… With a spoon? A spoon is not my cup of cake…
Lyonya: Cup of tea!
Gena: That’s right. Excuse me!
Waitress: Yes.
Gena: Can I have a fock, please?
Waitress: Pardon??
Lyonya: No, no, no! It’s not what he intended to say. He wanted to say ‘fork’.
Waitress: Ah. Fine. I’ll be 1 minute… Here you are. Enjoy your meal.
Gena: Many thanks!
Waitress: Do you like U.S.?
Gena: My ass? Yes, I do. And do you like your ass?
Waitress: Like it? I love it! It’s the place where I was born.
Gena: You were born in your ass??
Lyonya: No! She means ‘The United States’.
Gena: Ah. OK.
Lyonya: Looks like the table isn’t really clean, is it?
Gena: Indeed. Excuse me.
Waitress: Yes.
Gena: Can you change this shit, please?
Waitress: Come again??
Lyonya: He means ‘sheet’, that is, ‘cloth’
Waitress: Ah, sure. I’ll be right back.
Gena: Looks like you have also watched ‘Terminator’.
Lyonya: (Laughing)
Gena: She is so cute. How do I pay her a compliment? Oh, I’ve remembered. I’ll say ‘You are beautiful’. No, I’ll say ‘You’re pretty’. Oh, even better! ‘You are prettiful’. Incorrect, but creative.
Lyonya: It really is!
(Waitress coming back with a new cloth)
Gena: Excuse me. You know what?
Waitress: What?
Gena: You are pretty foolish!
Waitress: What???
Gena: Er… Did I say something wrong? Most likely yes…
Lyonya: No, no, no! He actually meant to say something nicer.
Gena: Yes. I wanted to pick you up.
Lyonya: But he is not a pick-up master…
Gena: Yes, I’m only a beginner. My next level is Elementary.
Waitress: Sorry, but I have a boyfriend.
Gena: But you don’t have a husband, do you? And I can be one.
Waitress: Pardon??
Lyonya: He says he has a band.
Waitress: Oh, how nice.
Lyonya: He’s a singer.
Gena: Yeah, that’ right. Let’s commit a sin together.
Waitress: ???
Lyonya: He’s just kidding.
Waitress: Ah, I see. He is cheeky, isn’t he?
Gena: Chicken? Why am I a chicken?
Lyonya: She said ‘cheeky’. That is, ‘rude, but in a funny way’.
Gena: Ah. Got it.
Waitress: Should I bring you the check?
Gena: Czech? If it is a Czech woman, then go ahead, bring her. And join yourself too.
Lyonya: She means ‘a piece of paper with the payment for the meal.’
Gena: Ahh.
Lyonya: Yes, please.
Waitress: 1 minute… Here you are.
Lyonya: Thank you… Buy the way, you can leave her some tip if you like.
Gena: Sure! I’d love to! The smile wider, the skirt shorter, the hair let down, the shirt with buttons undone and you will look much sexier!
Lyonya: No! In this case, ‘tip’ means ‘some money for the waiter as a gift’, not ‘advice’.
Gena: Ah, alright. Thanks for your corrections, mate! Where would I be without you?